Well it is the week after Valentines Day and there has been a lot about “that” Film!!
The novel Fifty Shades Of Grey has seduced women – and baffled blokes. I’m sure the film will be exactly the same! Now a spoof, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men. The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts, but if you are sensitive person don’t read on…
We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall… but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
We stood alone on the idyllic white beach. She shed her clothes. I shed my inhibitions. At that moment I knew it would always be about sheds.
She stood before me, trembling and naked in my shed. “I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.” So I took her to Nando’s.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.
“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly. “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred. “Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”
“Harder!” she cried, gripping the potting bench tightly. “Harder!” “Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
If you want more you can buy the trilogy of 50 Sheds of Grey at your local bookshop or follow them on twitter: @50ShedsofGrey or on Facebook /50ShedsofGrey.
More “real” gardening next week!
Join me on www.phoenixfm.com every Sunday 10 to 12 midday for all your gardening tips!